


So Long and Goodnight

by cheeseballHutchins



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Developing Relationship, M/M, Sadstuck, Self Harm, implied depression, implied suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-07
Updated: 2017-06-07
Packaged: 2018-11-10 02:37:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11118117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cheeseballHutchins/pseuds/cheeseballHutchins
Summary: Dave was your life source. He had helped you through your highs and lows, making sure you made it out alive.





	So Long and Goodnight

You met him in middle school and fell instantly.

His name is Dave Strider. He has light blonde hair and the most stunning red eyes. You love him. All of him. From his pale, freckled skin to the slightest southern accent in his voice. His beautiful, comforting voice. 

Dave was your life source. He had helped you through your highs and lows, making sure you made it out alive.

~~~

The summer after seventh grade is the first time Dave witnesses one of your breakdowns. 

He came to your house while your dad was at work. Dave went to the bathroom and when he returned he saw you curled up on your bed shaking. Your breaths were short and quick. Tears began to stream down your face. All you remember was feeling a warm body pressed against your back and a hand rubbing your side in a comforting manner. He felt warm. He's always warm. You're pretty sure Dave was whispering something but you can't be too sure.

When you managed calmed down you turned over to face Dave. You remember blushing at how close your faces were. Dave brought his hand to your face and wiped away a tear. 

Dave continued to help you through your low points after that.

~~~

Eighth grade you confessed your love for Dave. 

You and Dave were alone at your house again. This time he was staying over for the night. You spent the night watching movies and messing around. Normal best bro activities. You also spent that night admiring every little bit of Dave. It made your heart ache.

At some point, you found yourself with your head in Dave's lap. 

"You're like a cat," he joked. 

"Meow meow, pet me bitch," you responded in a sleepy voice. You smiled when you felt Dave's hand in your hair. You lightly pushed his arm away and sat up. "Hiss, I hate you now. Am I cat enough yet?" Dave rolled his eyes. His shades were on but you could feel his eyes rolling. You remember feeling like you could kiss him.

And then you kissed him. 

You didn't realize you kissed him until he separated. You remember tearing up. "Dave I'm so, so, so sorry! I--" You were cut off by Dave connecting your lips again. When you separated again, you spoke. "Dave... I love you. I-I'm in love with you."

It was around midnight when you two decided to sleep that night.   
Together.   
On your bed.  
Cuddling.

But you couldn't sleep. You laid awake in your new boyfriend's arms. Dave rolled over and faced the wall. You turned to face away from the sleeping blonde. You remember how your thoughts had started.

He's only doing this because he feels bad for you.

He could do so much better than you and you know it.

Useless, horrible, worthless creature.

Dave wouldn't care if you were dead.

You began to cry. Sobs escaped your lips as you tried to be quiet and calm yourself down. You felt an arm snake around your waist.

Dave.

He whispered phrases along the lines of "it's okay" and "you're okay" as you shook. He asked you to turn around. So you did. You were barely able to see his face. Your vision was dark and blurry.

Just like he always does, Dave managed to calm you down. 

"I love you, John. Don't forget that."

~~~

First year of high school Dave's love for you brought you to tears.

He found you in the boys' restroom during lunch. You were crying in the same large stall you always cry in. 

But that day you were doing more than crying.

Your arm was painted with bright red beads and lines of your own blood. In your shaky right hand you held a blade from a pencil sharpener. 

You cleaned yourself up and sighed as you picked up your school bag. You decided not to go to last period. Instead you waited in the bathroom until the bell.

When it rang you found Dave right away. He took you by your right hand and led you behind the school. Without saying a word he pulled down your left sleeve, revealing your fresh cuts. "Why?" You remember him sounding more concerned than angry. You still cried in response.

You started babbling about how you felt unlovable. How you thought Dave just felt bad for you. By the end of your rant he kissed you softly and said something you will never forget. 

"John, please. I love you so much. I'm in love with you. If anything ever goes wrong, don't do this... tell me. I'll try to help. I'm not great at helping you but... I can try. All i want is for you to be happy. If you need a reason to go on, think about your-- no, out future together. We can get married. Live together. Love each other. Doesn't that sound rad? I love you, John, and I want to spend my life with you, but that would be difficult if you were... dead."

You promised Dave you wouldn't hurt yourself. You promised you wouldn't kill yourself.

~~~

This brings you to today. The fourth day of summer after your second year in high school.

You're laying in your bedroom, cold and alone. Your thoughts have become too much. 

You sit up and you're instantly filled with regret. Your head spins as you try to stand up. You're dizzy. 

You feel blood from your thighs begin to run down your leg. Have you really cut that deep?

You stumble to your bathroom and look at yourself. Your skin has become a sickly pale color. Your hair is an unkept black bush. The eyes that Dave had once described as sparkling are now dull. To top it all off you're much skinnier now. 

You open a drawer and pick up a bottle of pills. 

You laugh to yourself, thinking about how bad you've gotten. 

Your phone buzzes on the bathroom counter. You pick it up to read the notification. A texts from Dave.

Dave: haha im gonna go to bed now dude

Dave: goodnight i love you

Dave: mwuah

Dave: that was me kissing you goodnight

You feel tears coming as you look at the pill bottle and back at Dave's texts. You reply.

John: so long and goodnight.


End file.
